I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Randomize
