I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
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