She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
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And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
Hippo gnu deer
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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