Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize