Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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