mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
