first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
Randomize
