Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
