He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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