he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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