so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
You crowd surfed from beer pong into the bathroom where you spent the rest of the night, also I have your wallet
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
