Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
