I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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