he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize
