guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
