Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
