I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
