finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
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