I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
