LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
