You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
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