you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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