I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
