with your own penis?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Randomize
