Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
