so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I have already put on my inside pants.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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