I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
