Your mouth is God's brothel.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
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