You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
Randomize