Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
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when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
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ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
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