i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
