I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
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