I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
