i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Randomize
