I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
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