Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize
