I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
