my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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