i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
