You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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