Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
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