Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
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