i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Randomize
