Come see our sink grown plant.
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
Randomize
