Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
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