my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize