but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
