sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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