I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
