they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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