i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
