so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
Randomize
