Don't you send me to vm
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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