do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
