textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize