I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
Randomize