yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
