a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
