I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Randomize
