I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
