it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
