Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
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