I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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