At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Randomize
