you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
