and you said cock pushups were impossible
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Lo siento on account of my penis...
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