at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
