forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I can't trust your balls anymore.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Randomize
